June 16

Jim left this morning for California. I hope that he has a great time, that his dad is surprised, and that he has a nice visit with his sisters and his dad. I am jealous though of his respite from home matters. I am trying to stay calm, positive and optimistic, but I do not find that an easy thing to do at the moment. The kids were fairly well behaved today. Joey's team got trounced tonight, and while I was at the game, I was talking to one of the other mothers about Jim's trip and the fact that I don't go anywhere. She said that it is my fault, and that you have to make time for yourself. There is some truth in that, but at the same time we are looking at a lot of limited resources at the moment; time is only one of them. Also, where would I go? I looked up the airfare for my dream trip today - $1747 per person for JUST the flight! I think that I will wait till next year when Egypt comes to Chicago, kind of a small bit of Egypt; I mean they can't ship a pyramid or the Sphinx to Chicago! This mother that I was talking to has a husband who runs his own office; he is in a profession where he can set his own hours and take as many vacation days as he can afford. THAT doesn't happen in a regular job. You get "X" amount of days and the rest of the time you belong to the company. Jim is very lucky to work for flexible and understanding bosses, but there is a limit to my free time because there is a limit to his free time.

Do you know what I miss? The theater! I miss learning lines and chasing down props. I miss calling cues and ordering directors around. I miss the smells - sawdust, paint, makeup, and sweaty bodies. I miss the cast parties and the late nights at Fridays trying to figure out how to pull it all together and wondering if that one cast member is EVER going to learn his/her lines. (There's one in every cast; sometimes there is more than one - ARGHHHH!) I miss the teamwork and the socialization and the sense of accomplishment.

I've got to go to sleep now. 7AM will be here sooner than I'd like. Also, just so everyone knows, I love my kids like crazy, and I know that they will grow up way too fast. They come first right now, and sometimes that is a hard fact for ANY mama to handle. At times the sacrifices are easy to make; at other times the sacrifices seem to be too difficult. I am in a "difficult" time right now. The sacrifices seem all encompassing and overwhelming. Goodnight.